So, I did the other thing I could do: eat. I admit, I am a food lover, but I try, yes, I try, to cut down on junk foods, but still I love trying out new things and new food. And give me credit, please - I get full rather easily.
Yesterday, as I was having some coffee, I got into an argument with my boyfriend. You see, we liked talking about a lot of things, including politics, and believe me, the Philippine Political arena is not pretty. We are reeling with disgust on how the Philippine Pork Barrel is being plundered by people in power, how Janet Napoles' daughter is spending what could have been spent on what the people really need, to the news of our soldiers in Zamboanga having to resort in begging for food while fighting the (bloody) rebels.
Not surprisingly, my boyfriend got frustrated with the Philippines. I couldn't blame him, but my feelings still got hurt.
Because in a way, I am like the Philippines. Both of us have afflictions that we have to fight.
I think, it's normal for someone like me to get depressed, but the thought of him turning his back on me is unbearable. In my mind, him wanting to give up on the Philippines is almost the same as him giving up on me: because right now, I'm not a healthy and whole woman, as he deserves it.
And what is more depressing is that I am one of the private citizens who speak up about our feelings especially on the corruption going on in our government. Our people has been taught over the centuries to suck it up and accept things as what they are, but I for one understood what Rizal wanted during his time: let the people be educated first so that they'd understand what's going on.
It's an uphill battle, as some people think that I am an idiot for being an activist, but I try my best, even if my voice is too small to be heard, because like a snowball, it can start as a little thing, but it can grow bigger and bigger until it's big enough to make a huge impact.
Alas, I went on him because of what he said. I honestly felt like I was Gabriela Silang, the wife of the Ilocos revolutionary leader, Diego Silang :)
You see, I am loyal to my country, and whatever bad things she might be in right now, she has a lot of good in her, too. And as her daughter, as a Filipina, it's also my duty to stand by what is right, to correct everything that's wrong in our society.
As much as I understand my boyfriend on his frustrations, I felt that I have to stand up for my country, too.
What I love about my boyfriend is that if we argue is that he listens to what I have to say (and I try my best to do the same, too. Really.), and he can readily admit if he's in the wrong. I also did something wrong, so, amanos lang. :)
I felt much better when we patched things up together. :)
I think the cloak of depression just don't completely disappear, so I turn into my favourite band, Queen.
I LOVE QUEEN. #FangirlAlert
I love their songs, they have a lot of genres during their time, so much colour in their harmony, vocal arrangement, lyrics, and everything in between. Freddie Mercury was fascinating to listen to, and so are the others. Even if John Deacon didn't sing, his bass runs were nothing short of fascinating, too. Listening to a Queen song is like looking through a prism.
(Ok, Arlene, that's enough and stop waxing lyrical on Queen...)
I turned on my player, starting with Brian May's Hammer To Fall.
It hit me on how this part suit how I am feeling:
What the hell we fighting for ?
Ah, just surrender and it won't hurt at all
You just got time to say your prayers
Yeah, while you're waiting for the hammer, to hammer to fall
Sigh. Is it time for my hammer to fall?
The next song gave me the answer: (my player is set to shuffle and repeat)
And I heard Freddie Mercury all but shouted to me:
Don't let go
Don't lose your mystique
Wait a little longer
Tomorrow brings another feast
Don't let go
Don't lose your reputation
Thank God you're still alive
You're still in one piece
Hang on in there, don't lose your appetite
Hang on in there, forget the danger signs
Pray for that magical moment (straight ahead) and it will appear
Don't fight for lost emotions!
Wait for the sunrise
And everything will seem so clear
(Look straight ahead, look straight ahead!)
Hang on in there (hang on in there)
Hang on in there (hang on in there)
Your wish will be granted
All your problems will disappear
Don't be a fool
You haven't reached your peak
You got a fast car racing up inside you
Your life is incomplete
Hang on in there...
Hang there!
Pray for that magical moment and it will appear!
(Wait for that moment)
Wait for the sunrise...
(Ahhhhh...)
Just wait and see, and it will seem so clear
(duh duh bap bee dee bup bup bup, duh da dup dee da)
Hey!
And let's go, let's go!
Okay now do the change up...
Yeah!
Hang in there!
Hang on in there!
Yeah, hang on in there!
Yeah!
WOW. Just WOW.
Was that my guardian angel who did it for me?
Yes. I WILL hang on in there.
