Day 109: BODY ISSUES

I've never been thin, and I know for a fact that I will never be.

I've inherited my mother's rather voluptuous figure, while my two sisters with my father's thin frame, except for my youngest sister who I think will be lush as my mum and I were. I used to be called pinagpala (blessed) by my classmates in college, but it was only later when I realised that they meant it in the chest department. Even Chris, my darling fiancé, calls me The Big Busted.

Since I was 15, I wanted to have a slimmer body. I confess, there was a time when I've become a bulimic, then an anorexic, if not for my Grandmother. But, it never goes away. I am still a bulimic.

There were times when I was able to successfully lose weight, but I lose it and start all over again. There were a period when I used to exercise up to 2 hours a day, but it was to no avail.

Ever since I started my medications, I've seen that scale go nowhere but up. People are greeting me with "Antaba mo ngayon" (You've grown so fat!) "Sumeksi ka na noon ah?" (You used to be so sexy!) and from my own mother: "Mas mataba ka pa sa akin, anak!" (You're even bigger than me, my child!). Whenever I had to have my weight noted and recorded, I'd secretly curse that nurse who'd read it out loud, even if I pointedly not look into the scale, because I just don't want to know ("165 lbs!", she says. The b*tch.)

I am envious with girls who are slim, and wish that I could be like that. I don't like having my pictures taken any more, because I look like a beached whale. And bulimia is rearing its ugly head again nowadays.

I don't want to think what it's gonna be until 11 March, 74 days from now, the day I take that last tablet.

But then I realise: it's all part of my battle against TB, as Quadtab and Bifix are antibiotics, and both contain Isoniazid, which can cause weight gain. And in the on line article Weight Variation over Time and Its Association with Tuberculosis Outcome: A Longtitudinal Analysis, it says:


Similarly, after 4 months, a patient with good outcome increased 3 kg on average (p<0 .001="" 0.2="" gained="" kg="" only="" outcome="" p="0.02).</i" poor="" those="" while="" with="">

[Gee, it feels like it's MORE than a kilo! :( ]

The article titled Monitoring Tuberculosis Treatment says:

Physical Signs That TB Treatment Is Working

Physical signs of tuberculosis treatment success include:

A reduction in symptoms, such as less coughing
Overall improvement in the way one feels
Weight gain
Increased appetite
Improvement in strength and stamina

(If there's one thing about me, my appetite doesn't need help. Haha)

Only 74 more days. I'm halfway there. I WILL WIN AGAINST TB.

And my increased voluptuousness only mean that I'm on my way towards my goal.